I’m Losing You
If you’ve been wondering why I’ve been so quiet, it’s because life has become… hard to accept. I’ve thrown myself into my artworks and art projects full time so that I don’t have to think about the reality of the situation we’re all in. It’s how I cope. Or, it’s how I stay in denial. Either way, it’s what keeps me from having a complete and total breakdown.
I may have written before about my dad’s health, I’m not sure but I think I did. He’s worse now, far worse. He can’t walk on his own. He can barely stand on his own once up and he can’t getup/stand up on his own. Mom and I have to lift him to get him to stand up and he can’t stay standing for long as his legs give out. His arms and hands barely work either. He mumbles instead of speaking clearly. I don’t know what’s happened. Maybe the meningitis came back with a vengeance? We’re going to try to get him in to see a doctor or back into the hospital as soon as we can though we don’t yet know how. Both Mom and I are exhausted and in pain from lifting on him so many times to take care of him. He’s also having delusions now. He keeps asking me about where his parents are because he just saw them in the room or just spoke to them. His parents are both dead (grandpa in 2008, grandma in 2012). I have to keep reminding him they are gone and he’s starting to not believe me when I tell him.
If any of my family is reading this and needs a comparison, he’s basically as bad (or maybe worse) as grandpa (Dad’s Dad) was in his last year of life. I don’t understand how or why this is happening. I thought we’d have more time dammit. He’s only 72 for crying out loud!
That’s all I can write for now. I’m about to lose it as it is.