As you may or may not have noticed, I have not created any new artworks this month or any month of this year. I haven’t even opened Poser since mid-December of 2020. Why? Drama mostly. I got hurt, badly, by some people and their opinions and it made me decide to stop for a while. That “while” kept extending into a longer and longer hiatus. It has yet to cease.
First, I decided to go to where I knew I was wanted, the Sims community. I dedicated myself to creating mods and content for people who appreciated my work rather than calling my creations “too unpretty”. It was going great for quite some time until March when I entered a depressive episode. Now I’m on a mental health break from that too. I don’t know what to do. Recently I’ve been focusing on physical world stuff like cleaning and organizing stuff in my rooms (like Project Spring Clean and Project Pop Renewal for instance). I can’t help but remember that I was happier when I was creating art though. At least I think I was. Maybe I’m thinking with rose-colored glasses?
Now that my office is cleaned up, I’ve been decorating it with prints of my artworks that I purchased last year but never got around to hanging up or displaying until now. Seeing all these prints, makes me miss creating them and the sense of accomplishment I had when I finished an artwork. For some reason I decided to setup a staging version of my Dream 9 Studios website to play around with the theme and try to rework the site a bit. I thought that might spur some artistic interest in me but I’m not sure. It has a little bit, but also reminded me of why I stopped when I did.
I guess I’ll have to go back to my art eventually. It’s part of who I am. Going without it is like going without sleep and you can only go without sleep for so long before you go batshit crazy… I’ve learned that the hard way a few too many times. The sleep thing I mean.
I updated my programs in case I decided I want to open them and try to create something. Every time I actually think about doing just that (open the programs to see about creating something) I start to get an anxiety attack. That’s not good. It also makes my eyes start to water. That’s also not good. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know how to go about this. I talk with my counselor on Monday; maybe she will have some ideas about what I should do and how to go about it. I hope so. I hate feeling like I’m in a never-ending limbo like I am right now.
For now, it’s arts and crafts as I need to craft more risers for my Pops collection. By the way, I’ll be publishing a post soon about how I craft my Pop risers. Maybe once I get tired of having glue all over my hands, I’ll want to do something that isn’t at all messy… like digital art.